The Pain of My Insecurity

Hey, MisWired here. And today I want to talk about insecurities. Personally, I've been going through a rough patch, questioning my abilities and my place in this world. For the longest time, I've been super insecure about myself, to the point where I put myself down. It's kinda like I punish myself for things that are outside my control, things that aren't even true. I always manage to talk myself out of situations that might possibly benefit me, convinced that I'm not what they want or that I'm not good enough. It's even gotten to a point where I was considering not doing writing and music because I felt like I wasn't good enough. Sadly, because of my insecurities, I find it very hard to open up regularly to people and talk about my issues since I feel like people have more serious issues than I do, and don't really have time to help me work through mine. It also doesn't help that it seems like I'm always going in a circle. Every time I feel like I'm finally getting things together, I always seem to slip back into my old thoughts. I always feel like since I'm 26, I should be much further in life than I currently am. I should have figured out my ADHD and Bipolar, should have a decent career, should be thinking about settling down, shouldn't be battering myself down to a pulp. Yet I seem to be doing it time and time again, pressuring myself to live up to a standard that is clearly hurting my happiness. And at the end of the day, I know what I need to change, I just don't know if I'm strong enough to change it. And that's the pain of my insecurity. Knowing that I'm not strong enough to change my thoughts by myself, hoping that I can somehow create that inner strength so that I don't have to constantly rely on others. And that's what hurts me the most.