The Inability to Form Bonds

Hey, MisWired here. And today I want to talk about the inability to form bonds. Ever since the age of nine, I've always struggled to make friends. Mostly because I struggle to see any worth in myself, due to my plethora of insecurities. I've always seen myself as more of a nuisance to others, and the fact that I've always struggled to keep my emotions in check, I felt like I had to close myself to others in order to protect them. Somehow, I always saw myself as the problem, which I later learnt was not always the truth. And because of that, I felt that no one wanted to be around me. Funnily enough, I built some of my strongest bonds during the time that most people consider the hardest time, ie university. Yet I still feel like I don't belong, that I'm not good enough, and that no one wants to know the real me. I guess that's because for majority of my life, I pretended to be someone I was not. Yet somehow, I know that isn't true. For as long as I've been hiding my ADHD, I've never truly felt proud of who I am and of what I achieved. And because of that, I thought everyone around me didn't think much of me either. I never had enough faith in myself to not mess up any relationship I got into. So I never tried. And that I feel is the worse thing I could do to myself.