Scars of the Mind

Hey there, MisWired here. And today I want to talk about emotional scars. Now I'm probably not the worst person out there and I'm pretty sure that I'm not the best either, but I've somehow convinced myself that I'm the worst person out there. I'm not sure when I started to think that, and I think I know why I think like that, but it led to me self-isolating. I've always been considered as someone with a lot of potential, and every time I failed to live up to that potential, I was criticized. And I failed to live up to that potential...a lot. So because of that, I felt like all I could do was disappoint people. And that's the thing, I used to get a lot of mixed signals. One minute I'm doing good and the next I was being criticized for not living up to my potential. And after a while, I ended up being scarred emotionally. As a child, I didn't see criticism as a necessary part of life. All I could see was another person who I let down and probably hated me. And that's the major issue. Nobody told me that it's okay to forgive myself until I joined university. Nobody told me that it's okay to make mistakes. Everyone is so caught up in the optics of everything, that we forget how it affects the other person. There are times I feel like people would be better off if they didn't know me, and few people who I can talk to about my plans without feeling judged. And the thing is, we feel entitled to the point that we expect people to do things not realizing that they have the choice to say no. We bash people who don't do what we want, feeling that our needs are more important and that others have to do what we want when we want. It's been very hard for me to say no without feeling like a massive douche. And my emotions range from I care too much to I don't care at all. Currently, I'm at a point where I'm just like screw it, everyone can just go jump off a cliff and that's not a good place to be in. But that's what happens when a person has been mentally and emotionally scarred without much thought given to them. We either close off or get real emotional turmoilled. But that's just my opinion, and I'm at a point where I feel like no one cares about them. As long as I fall in line. But that's a topic for another day.