Hey there, MisWired here. And today I want to talk about masking and content creation. More specifically, I want to talk about how it can affect your view on your work. As someone who works in a field where interaction is king, I always have that feeling of there being a standard that I can never attain. I know that people always say 'do what you love and people will come', but what if people don't. What if people don't actually want me, but a watered down version of me. I always thought that I was at the point where I could say what I truly felt without worrying about disapproval or backlash. Yet I always find myself holding back any opinions I have. I'm still at a point where I'm discovering my identity, and yet here I am placing all my eggs in a basket that I'm not even sure will work. Add on top of that the fact that I'm not confident in my work, and I guess I can see why people don't interact with my work.
So I know people say don't look at your analytics too much, but once in a while I check it to see what people are interested in, and every time I do, I feel like I end up boxing myself into an area. Random replies I post seem to do better than posts I do about my own content, whether it be videos, stories, or blog posts such as this one. And it makes me wonder whether I'm interesting enough to be a content creator. To be honest, my highest performing post has only 143 hits, and it was one of my earlier posts. And with 97 posts overall excluding this one, I often get frustrated because it seems like I'm screaming into a void, and that in order to get any traction, I have to change who I am and how I approach content creation.
There have been times I've considered quitting. I honestly don't know why I haven't. Probably because I've invested so much time and emotion into growing it that I feel like I would let myself down if I did. Maybe I know that I would pull away even further than I already did if I didn't push on. The thing is, I don't know if the person I present myself as is even the true me. I really want to experiment with my content, but don't know if in the end it will do better than what I already am doing, let alone the fact I can't even afford to try the things I want. Trying to figure out how to work with my ADHD gave me a lot of tools to figure out content creation, but just like in real life, the lack of honest interaction pushed me to rethink the optimism I once had. I really love what I do, just the same way I always thought that people in my life wouldn't hurt me. But it seems like there is a limit to that.
Sorry for the vent post, but this was something I just needed to get off of my chest. I'll try to work on how I view interactions, because something tells me it's not healthy. I guess that the way I grew up makes me question things about myself more. Anyway, if you got this far, thanks, and see you next time.
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