Hey there, MisWired here. And today I want to have a bit of a chat about work. For many of us, work is something we feel obligated to do, regardless of what we feel about the work. But when you start throwing into the mix a neurodivergence like ADHD, then that obligation often starts feeling like a death sentence. And that was something I realized as this year went along, as I shifted from work I was doing to projects that I wanted to get off the ground. If you didn't know, I don't actually make a lot from my content, so I often freelance in order to make ends meet. But because of that, I often take jobs that I normally wouldn't do, and often that ends up backfiring on me. Especially when there is an expectation and deadline on what is expected from me. That often leads to me overstressing and shutting down, which puts everything behind schedule. And that sends me into a spiral which I often find harder and harder to get out of.
I'm starting to realize that to get the best out of myself, I need to be honest about not only what I want to do, but also what I'm good at. And for the longest time, I wasn't honest about either of those. I think because of all the times I've been told that I had potential in something, or that I would be really good at something, I wanted to believe that I wasn't good at anything. That lead me to signing up for things in a hope that either people see me as I did, or faking the ability that everyone saw. And part of that has to do with how I viewed ADHD for the longest time. I only ended up accepting my diagnosis in my second year of university, but that didn't mean that I had given up the idea of being "normal". Being able to show what I'm capable of doing without feeling like I'm making things worse has always been something that I struggle with, to the point I often avoid doing stuff. And that's where my projects come in. My projects are a way for me to not only grow confidence in my abilities, but also as a way to understand myself and how I view things. And that's most notable in my stories. Most of the main characters are variations of myself, how I view myself currently, and how I want to view myself. So how I judge their success is not in how well they do, but rather how well I accomplished the tasks I set out for myself.
Because of that view, I find it easier to incorporate my views and concerns in them, because ultimately I'm not too worried about being ignored. Yes, I do want them to succeed, but what I want more is the ability to do what I want without worrying that someone will come in and tell me that it isn't what I should be doing. Which brings me to the title. There have been a lot of things that I've been told that I'm good at, but don't necessarily enjoy doing, but do because I'm expected to do. That expectation can do more harm than good, especially when you're not good at standing up for yourself and not being allowed to genuinely explore yourself. That's why I believe that ultimately, especially for those of us with a neurodivergence, passion should be at the top when deciding what we want to do.
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