So, I've really struggled how to approach this topic. Not because I don't really know what I want to talk about, but more so I don't want to step on any toes. When you're someone like me who struggles to voice things in real life, approaching a topic like this on a public forum such as this can be taken as petty. And that's where I find myself, not only in my blog, but in life as well. I think I've taken to avoiding talking about things I enjoy, when I feel hurt, when I think someone has overstepped their boundary etc because I end up feeling like I'm being the one who is in the wrong or that people aren't interested. So I end up bottling it or writing it in one of my stories because it has been one of my only true outlets, especially when I'm frustrated.
It doesn't mean that I'm not at fault for most of these reactions. In fact, I realize that a lot of the reasons why people act like this is because I'm already defensive in the first place. When you're so used to being defensive, it becomes your default state, especially when people criticize you. That's the major reason why I opt to hide what I'm feeling at any moment when I'm around others. I would rather go along with what others want and see them happy than actually what I want. It's also why it hurts when people suddenly go quiet on me. Especially people I thought I had a close bond with.
I think it's always been easier to hide my emotions behind a massive wall around people because I always felt like I was a burden. It's kinda why I'm very careful about the things I talk about on this blog. Hopefully I get better with this as I go along, but for now I just want to be comfortable around others without worrying that I'm encroaching.
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